you are stronger than you think

I pulled off the band aid. I'm glad I did, but it still hurts.

I have understanding now. I'm not angry anymore, I'm not upset, I'm not confused. Everything is fine now. I don't feel unwell anymore. But. I feel like we just broke up a gain. Being peaceful with you brings that, and it makes me feel sad. I feel so loud, and I want these emotions to quiet down.

(skinny love)

They will.

How do we go (on) from here?

It'll pass, probably.

expect love

Maybe I'm too hard on my friends.
When I am wholeheartedly genuine and kine, and give my love and loyalty always - I expect that back.

I've recently come up with a few rules for real friends.
1. do NOT leave a club without telling your best friend you are leaving - even if you didn't come with them
2. you don't get to be mad at a friend for something they did when they were drunk - especially if they were crying and/or upset
3. always check to make sure they got home okay
4. if they were upset the night before, care enough to ask if they are okay later. no matter what happened.
5. don't pretend you have time for a friend if you don't. just make time when you have it and be honest.

HMM.. is that really too much to ask?

When someone is so special and so genuine to you, can't you give it back

laying in bed all day causes trouble

tell me that writing you was not a mistake.
tell me that I'm stronger now.
tell me that I'm smarter than I was before.
tell me that you care.
tell me that I can let go easier now.
tell me that I've learned.
tell me that I don't care as much as I feel it coming on.
tell me I'm stronger now, tell me I'm better.
tell me that it had and has to be dealt with sometime, anyways.
tell me that it was going to happen - that it had to.
tell me that it wast not a mistake.

it was not a mistake
it was going to happen
there's too much. just so much.

random

Perhaps this is the calm before the storm. I hope not. I don't think I can endure another storm.

I haven't felt this calm in forever. I'm not worried about finding a job, or stressed about moving. Maybe I really am starting to believe that everything really will be okay.

This is the weirdest time of my life so far. upon graduation. I don't know how to deal with closing this chapter that I'm either ignoring it, or being okay with it. Either way, I'm staying present and just enjoying every minute. And it's pretty good.

Every body needs a day of rest anyways.

when you get the chance

I woke up this morning at ... too early. Feeling like crap. Feeling sick, tight, sore, just horrible. I haven't done yoga or worked out all week, and I've eaten terribly.
I threw on my workout clothes with every intention of going to the gym after I met for my group project.
It's windy outside. It's making my chest tight, my head ache, and my throat kill.

Forget it. I drove home instead of to 24 hour fitness. And made lunch.

Now, I'm sitting in my bed, watching the view, eating a shrimp salad at 10am. And I couldn't feel happier or love myself more right now. After this I'm going to shower and go shopping, even thought I should be on a budget.
Some days, you just gotta do what you want. What you really want.

Some days, you gotta dance.

True, I might have days like these all too much. I have two responses to that right now.
1. so?
2. oh well.

take me home

I've been meaning to write.
I've been wanting to write... something.

I can't believe I've been doing this for 5 months now. Wow. over time. I'm really taken back.

I can't seem to figure out what the words are right now. This is all I have for me: Country Roads

The rest will be soon to follow.

honesty is the best policy

even if it sucks for while

at least you have to had done the right thing.