lost and found

If there's one thing I've gotten out of watching LOST it is this:
lives can change.

I've been on break for six weeks; trying to recover and piece myself back together. It feels good to move on, to keep going - finally.
I was out dancing on my branch but I'm crawling back to the tree and it feels like home and I'm starting to feel confident here again. It is so amazing to love yourself.

Well here goes.

veggies and dip

in the words of Alanis
life has a funny way of helping you out.

I've been enjoying my vegging. possibly too much.
am I just catching up? Or am I avoiding?
I usually think too much. And now, I've decided that I don't want to suffer. So I'm making the choice to let it be.
I don't know if that's bad...but who's to say really? There's no "way" I'm supposed to go about things - so I'll try this for a while. It feels fine for now.
Who cares if there's complicated baggage, unanswered questions, and unsettled thoughts.
It feels fine for now.

When I'm upset I let myself be upset. So when I feel fine, why not...just feel fine?
Enjoy feeling fine. Hasn't happened a lot recently.
Get used to it again :-)
"The beauty of life is experiencing yourself" I read that once on a tea bag.

loop

I'm not sure how to process this one, I'm wondering if it's okay to ignore this one.

So you want to talk about bands and music festivals, but not how you are, or how I am, or what happened...cool. fine. You're a jerk, already knew that.

But what WAS that? ...really.

Am I ignoring dealing with this? Or am I choosing that I don't want to be upset and for once -just letting it be.
I'd like to chose the latter.

I don't know what to do or how to feel. I feel so oddly lost again. But I just keep thinking that I don't want to deal with it, it's not worth it. is that bad? I mean, what is the point really.

Just go on.
Keep going.
why not. . .

No one can tell you how to handle any situation anyways. Your situation is your own. There's no right way. I'm always afraid that I'll make the wrong decision, handle some situation the "wrong" away, and by doing the "wrong" thing I'm screwing something up or missing out on something or loosing something. But that's just not right.
must. remember. to. know. better.

step at a time

she said I feel like you're Sheryl again.
I said Me too.

I may be a little fucked up now.
I may have some new walls, and some new issues.
I still have feelings, and I'm not over it.
I still don't want to let go.

But

I know that this feels better.

state of mind

oh. hello there 2010. how are you?
I'm quite positive thank you very much.

Maybe there's a point we get to, where we are just tired of freaking out. And so we decide, and we just stop.

And when you keep thinking I'm doing everything I should, why isn't this working.
Take a step back. Keep giving it the time. Stop judging yourself. Spend time with good people that make you feel good. Feel comfortable. Sleep. Eat ice cream. Go to Vegas.
You'll see. It's worked. It's been working. And it'll keep working.

I usually try to avoid thinking about new years. What - just because it's January you get to, or have to, start over? What if I'm not ready. Well, this time, it was kind of a push I needed that I didn't know I needed. And thank god. I'm thankful that it involved my two sisters and college roommates. The two people that will always make sense, and never fail a laugh or fun time. They will a.l.w.a.y.s. be just what I need. My sisters.

Tomorrow I adventure. I'm going to Washington DC to visit a dear friend and explore the city. Perhaps a test - to see if I can really do this in the near future.
I. am. so. excited.
Have you ever had that feeling? I'm about to fall in love.
I am in love with hope.