professor

In class she asked what's your definition of a soulmate?
Some say they didn't believe, some wanted to.
I said I wasn't sure, because of impermanence. When it changes; I change, they change, they leave, we're not together - what does that mean? What does that make them?
But I know they exist. They don't mean forever, they mean for our soul.

She said, someone who comes into our life. Someone who makes a significant change or impact on your life. Soul changing. Soul shifting. Soul impacting. Soul connecting.

Any significant change or impact in your life is going to be uncomfortable. Of course it's going to be uncomfortable, she said with a giggle. Of course.

Perhaps then he was. Perhaps then, I've had a few.

talk the talk

Why do we go to others for relationship advise? We never take it and it usually upsets us.
NO ONE is as familiar with our feelings as we are.

So thanks for pointing out my dating patterns, my tendencies, and my flaws for that matters. But doesn't it always result like this: and who are you to give relationship advise anyways!?
So what good is it. Why can't we trust ourselves? Where is this anxiety coming from?

Getting hurt in the past.
Not wanting to make that mistake over again.
Don't want to push him away.
Don't want to lose him.
Hold on to your head.
Don't lose yourself.
Don't. be. vulnerable.

Maybe, just maybe. We could try to take ourselves less seriously ... and this time, don't ask anyone for permission. Yes, it's okay.

suds

I don't know how necessary it is in life to be strong.
I do know that it's important to feel strong.
The most important thing is not to conquer, but to fight well.

I wish love were enough.
It should be right? But then there's life, and that silly thing seems to get in the way. So maybe not.
I want so bad for it to be enough.
But it's just not.
And it's not everything - it's just one tinsy aspect of life. Okay, maybe it's not tinsy - its effecting and affecting - it's big...er, but it's not everything. Love itself will not bring happiness. Love does not equal happiness. And in so many ways it didn't. It brought me isolated happiness. And that surely is not everything. Love in all aspects. Be happy in all aspects. All life encompassing. Complete. Everything. Whole. That is what I n.o.w. am in search of. I don't want just him. He doesn't come with everything else. I want the world too.


There's no better way to start over than to take a shower. Wash. It. Off.

casual

When you're free to experience what you're actually feeling, and no emotions are being forced on you - why do we wait? I feel like I'm waiting for the next turn or drop in the roller coaster - but there's none in sight. This should be a good thing. This is a good thing. I don't feel it. I don't feel anything.

I GET to not think about it, I just don't have to. I GET to not ask questions this time, or be desperate for answers. This should feel free.

But it doesn't.
I feel so oddly restricted;by myself, the walls and boundaries I've created as defense mechanisms. These are a part of me now and so is what put them there. It can't be ignored - but I'm longing to go beyond them, to their other side.


But,
Today is my Grandma's birthday. So today I will be free.

come and go

giving someone everything. it's such an interesting thing we do when we fully trust and love someone. And when proof they're gone? Then what?

We try to hold on to that part of us that they brought out. We can't be who we became for them anymore. It's time to go back to us, (find it if you're lost), and remind ourselves who we were before they came. Take back those pieces they stole - and be so happy that they're back.

It's a funny thing being present. When you think about being present, you're not there. I've spent so much time not being present lately. I want to come back - maybe when I stop trying I'll return.

skinny love

say hello
then
say good bye to this moment of worry.

I should be excited and happy and bubbly. Maybe its the rain, maybe the change, maybe the hangover. Never can tell.

what to do what to do

take a nap. laugh. start over. give it a shrug. give yourself a hug. keep on going.