something about trusting the process

For the past for years trust the process has been a moto of mine.
So last fall I put myself out there. Applying to jobs and schools to give myself options. I'd go day to day back and forth not knowing which option I wanted, actually wanted. I didn't know what I wanted or what was right. At that point, I was hoping things would just fall into place, and I was trusting that the answer will fall into my lap and the decision will be made for me.

Well now I'm there. And it feels a bit uneasy.
Perhaps the answer that fell into my lap didn't look the way I thought it would.
But. This is what I asked for. I planned on trusting the process and going with whatever option fell into place. And now here I am. not trusting the process.
What's wrong with me!? Why can't I accept this? Why can't I continue to trust the process? I want to so bad, but it just feels off. And it's uncomfortable and it's frustrating.
I'm going to try though. If that's enough. This is what fell into place. It'll be right. I'll make it right. This is where the process led.

change blows until we learn to breathe

Ashton says this just so right. (ps this is a link!)

namaste

what would it be like if we all truly honored ourselves;
actually listened to our own souls.
We might just care more for one another. be more understanding, more compassionate, and act more honorably towards the souls of our friends and of strangers.
We just might take care of ourselves
and those we know
and those we don't know
and the world in which we live in.

And we might just notice the earth.

It's just the universe. no. big. deal.

dog days

We don't have to be perfect. We don't have to say we've moved on, let go completely, will never think of him/her/it/that/those days/last year/etc ever again.
If we do, and we get sad, if we cry, if we stay in bed a while. It's okay.

What's important is that we know how to not get stuck there. Get sad, think about him, cry. But in a while, return to the present - and dance. After all, it is a part of us. It exists, no reason to ignore it. We can't pretend it has gone away or disappeared. Whether we like it or not, it's there, it's very there. It's a part of us no matter what. It's a branch. We. Have. Baggage. That's fine. That's usual. That's part of us. That's part of life. Experiences. And what they leave behind. What they make of us. Appreciate whatever it has left behind - even the difficult leftovers. For everyone difficult leftover there's a beautiful one too. Afterall you wouldn't be where you are now if something before hadn't happened.
The crap allows for the good stuff to grow.

But make yourself happy when you can; when you're in the present, enjoy it :-) Work out, do yoga, eat chipotle. Whatever it is. Dance. Smile. Laugh. Roll in the grass. Do it.

a turn of events we wouldn't have chosen for ourselves

this is giving me a headache.
working so hard to set up the next chapter of my book. my life. Which I'm not convinced is the chapter I should be writing. But I guess It will write itself before I do.
It's difficult to plan the future and still be here in what is now. But I want to set myself up for success, I want this chapter to be perfect - but it already isn't, and I guess it'll unfold as it should. I want to say trust the process. But I'm not strong enough yet. I guess I can't know how it'll turn out and there's no way for me to know that or pre-form it.

I just don't feel ready for the next chapter yet. But I don't have to be. It hasn't begun yet. I should probably finish this one, and when this one is complete I will be ready for the next one. I just will be. When it's actually here. And not one page before.

everyone togeter

If you're struggling, the person next your is probably is too.
Help each other. Energize each other.

It just feels better this way

I've been trying to write this post for a while. So I'm finally sitting down with possibly one of the best salads I've ever made to do it.

I've taken up bikram yoga. It's changing my life. I haven't felt this good in so. so. long. Finally, a way to let it go.

There's something about taking 90 minutes a day for.your.self. For your mind. Your body. Your health. Your emotional baggage. and to just let it all go. sweat it out. get it out. work through it. The toxins, the bad energy, the negative, the sad, the destructive, the struggle. Struggle through it, you just have to go through this. Then let it go. and be here now. enjoy this. Spend 90 minutes working hard, working on yourself, so after you can let it go and enjoy the world.

It's amazing. It's energizing. It's recharging. It's reminding. It's self loving. It's taking care of yourself. All of yourself.


It's something I can do for myself. And there's something about just that, that feels so damn good. Even when I'm tired and don't want to get out of bed. I know how good this feels.

You have to take care of yourself. If it makes you feel bad, don't go there. If it makes you feel good, go there. Make yourself feel good. You deserve it. Why wouldn't you?
We're supposed to feel this way.

One of my most favorite people in the world is a tall skinny Japanese woman named Kimiko. She's quiet and funny. She's strong and she's smart. And she once told me "take care of your shit."

glimpse

The past two weeks I've been forced into the role I believe I'll play next in life. Forced being key word. It was uncomfortable. of course. What's more uncomfortable is coming back to where I am n.o.w. and adjusting to being here as me n.o.w. having started to discover another, a new, part of me.
How will they combine?

So this is transition. How maturing. How confusing. How un-settling.
I guess, it's kind of, in a way, exciting. It's something to be proud of. It's something that is MINE. I can feel it, I can embrace it, I can be terrified of it, and I can love it. I can feel it. It's mine. It's me. s